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People, can we talk about the shit that's going on with our current level of standards for american cinema? Huh? Can we?... Well if we can then let me be the, I'm sure not the first, to say it (as my cousin Ryan would say) "sucks ass". Of course he was using it in reference to something completely different, but I found the choice of descriptive terms fitting here. So anyways, "sucks ass" I say, about american cinema. There's nothing that even slightly interested me in the theaters these days. Just stupid remakes of movies and shows that were rad in the first place and didn't need to be remade. Movies suck ass. Until now! Ladies and gentlemen, especially those who are budding screenplay writers, let me present to you my film idea...
Attack of the Killer Sperm!
Please tell me it hasn't been done cause shit man, I think that it'd be great for a hoot. Don't you?!
So the story's this: 16 year old virgin discovers during a horrific swimming pool massacre, that his sperm are mutant, flesh eating, inseminating piranhas!
Ok, you twisted my arm into elaborating. So this sixteen year old virgin meets this girl and finally does things right enough times in a row that she ends up kinda liking him. They end up in some pool somewhere where she turns him on to the point of ejaculation. IN THE FUCKING POOL. His mutant sperm are unleashed on living flesh for the first time. They brainlessly hunt for a membrane, any membrane, to burrow into, and fertilize. The pool erupts in a blood soaked orgy of death. The boy, we'll call him Phillip, is left waist deep in the blood, guts, and bones of his friends and loved ones. And the story continues from there-
TELL ME YOU DON'T THINK THAT SHIT WOULD BE AMAZING ON THE SILVER SCREEN!!!
So, ladies, gentlemen, screenplay writers, please, feel free to take this gem of an idea and make it into a movie. You can steal my idea, I just want to see this shit made. Just promise me, when they ask "why", and you fucking damn well know they will, just say: "the devil made me do it".
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