photos and ramblings by a deranged lunatic.

Monday, October 29, 2012

I hate you.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012


f8 1/250 ISO200

People, can we talk about the shit that's going on with our current level of standards for american cinema? Huh? Can we?... Well if we can then let me be the, I'm sure not the first, to say it (as my cousin Ryan would say) "sucks ass". Of course he was using it in reference to something completely different, but I found the choice of descriptive terms fitting here. So anyways, "sucks ass" I say, about american cinema. There's nothing that even slightly interested me in the theaters these days. Just stupid remakes of movies and shows that were rad in the first place and didn't need to be remade. Movies suck ass. Until now! Ladies and gentlemen, especially those who are budding screenplay writers, let me present to you my film idea...
Attack of the Killer Sperm!

Please tell me it hasn't been done cause shit man, I think that it'd be great for a hoot. Don't you?!
So the story's this: 16 year old virgin discovers during a horrific swimming pool massacre, that his sperm are mutant, flesh eating, inseminating piranhas!

Ok, you twisted my arm into elaborating. So this sixteen year old virgin meets this girl and finally does things right enough times in a row that she ends up kinda liking him. They end up in some pool somewhere where she turns him on to the point of ejaculation. IN THE FUCKING POOL. His mutant sperm are unleashed on living flesh for the first time. They brainlessly hunt for a membrane, any membrane, to burrow into, and fertilize. The pool erupts in a blood soaked orgy of death. The boy, we'll call him Phillip, is left waist deep in the blood, guts, and bones of his friends and loved ones. And the story continues from there- 


So, ladies, gentlemen, screenplay writers, please, feel free to take this gem of an idea and make it into a movie. You can steal my idea, I just want to see this shit made. Just promise me, when they ask "why", and you fucking damn well know they will, just say: "the devil made me do it". 

f29 1/15 ISO200

Saturday, May 26, 2012

the grid

f4, 1/1250, ISO100

This poor bugger died as a result of a webbed pool fence that surrounds a blocky shaped pool behind my house. It makes me think about this not only in terms of a direct image of life and death but that we live possibly below a grid. What's above the fucking grid you ask? Good fucking question! I don't know. Another world? Eternal sunlight and warmth? I don't fucking know, but it is a sobering thought to think that we may all be pawns in some alien cheap thrill game. Like one group was like: Hey bitches, I bet you guys I can turn this super relaxed peaceful group of monkeys into brainless fleshy robots that you can have do whatever you want and not only that but we'll do it so that they technically do it all under their own free will. HUUUUhuuwwooo that's a crazy thing to believe anyone could do. 

f4.5 1/60 ISO800

This is what I'm talking about. We've "evolved" to the point that we sit and stare at the little boxes, whether they be computers or TVs, we sit and stare, and these little boxes tell us what is cool, what's funny, what's bad, etc. Do we even have free thought anymore? Is it all just layer upon layer of mind manipulation. What is a pure thought? What is a pure opinion? I can't find one within myself. Does this mean we all have to live like Quakers or The Amish in order to truly free ourselves from this. Even then how do you coexist with the rest of society if everyone else is wrapped up in what The Man tells us. Who exactly is the man? Fuck if I know. I'm still trying to figure that out myself. Ironically, I sit her contemplating all this bullshit while staring at my own brain control box. Go figure.

f2 1/4000 ISO1600

I'm not going to lie. The settings on my camera for this photo are a bit embarrassing, but since I made the decision early on that I'd: a) put my camera settings under my photos, and b) not lie. Then, I couldn't: a) not put the settings under my photo, or b) lie. Regardless, I like how it came out. I liked how it came out so much, that I decided to post it up anyway even though it'd expose myself as the no talent ass clown hack that I am.  

Saturday, May 5, 2012

f22, 1/160, ISO1600

I got nothing snippy to say about today's photo. I fucking like it. 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The poor son of a bitch

f5.6, 1", ISO 400

I saw this poor son of a bitch's buddy die today... And let me tell you something, it's just not fucking fair. I don't know why but I've always had a liking for these poor helpless bastards. They have shells but, come on, who's fooling who here? Those little shits don't do anything. Poor fucking bitches. I took a picture of this guy a little bit after the other one bit it. I kind of feel like I can see his pain on the shell. Poor sons of bitches. Anyway, I don't want to get all sappy on you or anything but I don't like seeing things die... 

View From Above

f 5.6, 1/100, ISO 400

This guy looked like he had something good to eat. Whatever it is in the styrofoam thingy doo dad is most likely goopy yet delicious and the bag holds carbs of deliciousness. Who are these guys? Who do you think they are? Yep, that's right. You knew it all along. So there you have it. You fucking have it.  

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Nerdfest 2012

f2.8 1/100 ISO400

Yes, ladies and gents. I, The Devil, shall be competing in Nerdfest 2012, AKA The Global University Business Decision Competition. This here is a pic of "operation sink their shit and run to the bank laughing our asses off". How does it work, you now intrigued, ask. Well that's pretty damn secret. Let's just say it's a little too upper level for you. I'll tell you this though, it involves capitalism at it's finest. A true display of modern man's massive misunderstanding of the meaning of life. And it's grand, indeed. Stay tuned my greedy little corporate whores. I'll teach you how to sell your soul sooner or later. But for now, let us bask in the glory that is modern man's complete idiotic wildly off course understanding of the meaning of life. 

The Dev

Thursday, March 15, 2012

More Boobies!

Drew this guy for friend of mine. A little collaboration with some unknown photographer in Las Vegas somewhere. Have you ever been to Vegas? You'd think i'd like it with all its manufactured sin but I can't stand it. I do enjoy seeing those fuckers on the street slappin' these cards at you. Make it a game. See which of you and your friends can collect the most. Diversity is key. Doubles don't count. Double chicks pictured, however, counts twice as much. Ahh free smut.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Fuck a Duck

1/320 f2.8 ISO 1600

I used to know a guy who'd say things like "fuck a duck!" when he was really pissed. He's also say things like "we're totally rat fucked" when we were in trouble. "Goat fucked" is when one is being taken advantage of, and "goat fucked up the ass" is when one is really getting taken advantage of. It seemed that animals were fucking him, or getting fucked, in some way or another all the time. I thought about this when this duck...I'm sorry, swan, was kind enough to pose for a portrait. I found the fact that he had a human body and a duck -I mean swan- head to be interesting enough for a portrait. I didn't want to fuck him though. Granted I wasn't really pissed or mad, so maybe if that were the case? I find that hard to believe however, bestiality has never been something I could relate to. The whole chicks fucking donkeys in Mexico never seemed all that interesting to me. One time, while extremely bored, I looked this up on the wonderful World Wide Web and found a video. It taught me a valuable life lesson, and that lesson is this: some things are better left unseen. For reals, take my word for it and don't look up donkey fucking or anything like that. It's gross and not worth it. 

Thursday, March 1, 2012


Big fatty titties for a buddy's bike. What else can be said?

Monday, February 20, 2012

P.A.C.T.A. (People Against Cruelty To Ants) Plea for Ant Liberation

f 5.6 1/60 ISO 1600

This guy is stuck in an ant farm, which in my opinion should be called an ant prison. What a cruel existence when you and your cohorts are imprisoned in a glass hell and made to "work" to no end? What if we're all just stuck in some glass prison made to work at no end digging and climbing and shit for no damn reason other than to entertain some strange larger being who merely uses us as some trophy for his/her/its desk?..What if?.. I guess on second thought, what would we all do otherwise? Smoke weed and hump all day? Wait that actually sounds pretty good. If only I could find out whether we're actually just suckers or if this is real. What the fuck does "real" mean anyway? Oh my god I've just blown my mind.  

Monday, January 23, 2012

Day at the zoo

f6.3 1/400 ISO400

What up brotha? How you hanging in there? They treating you alright? Man I'm sorry about your shit right now. It's hard I know. We'll break you out soon, man, soon. So what's been new? A girlfriend? Wow, that's great. I think you really should be making the best of a bad situation, and that means getting some tail in the slammer then you go right and ahead and do it, sucka. ... What they feedin' you in there any ways?REally? That's pretty good, you know. ..Can I maybe join you for a meal? wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. whatchu say they let you do in you spare time? Wholey shiate. anyways things been good with me. I've been working out you know. yeah, I guess I do look alright. well, maybe on the outside, but inside things are kind of a mess.

f6.3 1/320 ISO400

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Another Fucking Flower

f5.6 1/640 ISO 800

I like this fucking flower cause it reminds me of one of my adult crushes, Anne Bancroft AKA Mrs. Robinson. Hubba fucking hubba. Aging (well dead now, I'm thinking of The Graduate Anne Bancroft) but still beautiful and definitely sexy. Can the same be said about this rose? I think so.  

Is This Cliché?

f2.8 1/40 ISO800

What isn't cliche? Your face. No but really, has everything been done? Am I going to go into a "has everything been done" rant? No, fuck that. This picture is rad cause it makes me wonder what do kids want to take pictures of? It's not fucking me, I can tell you that. I jumped in the way of this photo opp for my own personal selfish photo opp. She was cool with it. I looked at the pictures she took after she realized photography was for the birds...and my stupid ass, and they were awesome. It really made me feel inferior and completely unaccomplished in any way what so fucking ever. Here was a true artist unbound by what she thought people would think of her work. She just captured what she thought was cool. Envy. Fuck you.  

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

My pal talks bikes

f666 1/666 ISO666

So this fucking guy comes and visits today and has the gall to tell me my bike should be carbon and steel is passé. Steel is so fucking cool these days. Fuck you, my bike is the shit and I'll leave any of you plastic bike riding bastards in my wake. 

So we go for a fucking bike ride and he's all trying to play it cool like he's not tired but I keep ramping up the speed on my Rock Lobster and he's all getting huffy puffy behind me. Then he's like "oh I'm kinda tired from this super intense ride I did the other day." Whatever! Fool was hella tired. I fucking whooped up on his ass.

Word to your mutha, I'm out.  

Monday, January 2, 2012

You sick fucking bastard

f/8, 1/800, ISO 1600
I love taking pictures of crows even though they're all a bunch of fucked up bitches. I once came across a murder of crows trying kill and eat this baby bunny. Think how that would affect how you saw crows from then on. If I saw anything picking on a baby bunny I'd fucking hate them for life. Spare me the "it's nature" bullshit, it's also a fucking baby bunny, which is just about the cutest damn thing you could ever see. Anything that sees cuteness like that and wants to do anything but pet it and snuggle up to it is fucked up, period. That said, I still respect the fucking bitches quite a bit and find them fascinating as well as exceptional photo subjects. This one wasn't trying to eat a baby bunny but he and his compatriots were harassing a pair of negro squirrels. They were full grown adults and at this point I'm cool with the fucking "it's nature" bullshit so I didn't intervene like I did with bunny. Oh yeah, you better believe I fucking intervened when it came to the baby bunny. Those crows were fucking pissed at me but I wasn't going to sit by and let them tear apart a poor helpless baby bunny. Would you, you sick fucking bastard?   

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

New year resolution: Be more productive. So I'm writing this post in bed.
In honor of this being my first 2012 post, here's a picture of a bicycle seat with a vagina drawn on it.

Why? Cause apparently a woman rode this saddle for so long, that just like how 'ol JC left his face on the Shroud of Turin so did this woman on her bicycle seat. Someone just chose to define it better.