photos and ramblings by a deranged lunatic.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Day at the zoo

f6.3 1/400 ISO400

What up brotha? How you hanging in there? They treating you alright? Man I'm sorry about your shit right now. It's hard I know. We'll break you out soon, man, soon. So what's been new? A girlfriend? Wow, that's great. I think you really should be making the best of a bad situation, and that means getting some tail in the slammer then you go right and ahead and do it, sucka. ... What they feedin' you in there any ways?REally? That's pretty good, you know. ..Can I maybe join you for a meal? wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. whatchu say they let you do in you spare time? Wholey shiate. anyways things been good with me. I've been working out you know. yeah, I guess I do look alright. well, maybe on the outside, but inside things are kind of a mess.

f6.3 1/320 ISO400

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Another Fucking Flower

f5.6 1/640 ISO 800

I like this fucking flower cause it reminds me of one of my adult crushes, Anne Bancroft AKA Mrs. Robinson. Hubba fucking hubba. Aging (well dead now, I'm thinking of The Graduate Anne Bancroft) but still beautiful and definitely sexy. Can the same be said about this rose? I think so.  

Is This Cliché?

f2.8 1/40 ISO800

What isn't cliche? Your face. No but really, has everything been done? Am I going to go into a "has everything been done" rant? No, fuck that. This picture is rad cause it makes me wonder what do kids want to take pictures of? It's not fucking me, I can tell you that. I jumped in the way of this photo opp for my own personal selfish photo opp. She was cool with it. I looked at the pictures she took after she realized photography was for the birds...and my stupid ass, and they were awesome. It really made me feel inferior and completely unaccomplished in any way what so fucking ever. Here was a true artist unbound by what she thought people would think of her work. She just captured what she thought was cool. Envy. Fuck you.  

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

My pal talks bikes

f666 1/666 ISO666

So this fucking guy comes and visits today and has the gall to tell me my bike should be carbon and steel is passé. Steel is so fucking cool these days. Fuck you, my bike is the shit and I'll leave any of you plastic bike riding bastards in my wake. 

So we go for a fucking bike ride and he's all trying to play it cool like he's not tired but I keep ramping up the speed on my Rock Lobster and he's all getting huffy puffy behind me. Then he's like "oh I'm kinda tired from this super intense ride I did the other day." Whatever! Fool was hella tired. I fucking whooped up on his ass.

Word to your mutha, I'm out.  

Monday, January 2, 2012

You sick fucking bastard

f/8, 1/800, ISO 1600
I love taking pictures of crows even though they're all a bunch of fucked up bitches. I once came across a murder of crows trying kill and eat this baby bunny. Think how that would affect how you saw crows from then on. If I saw anything picking on a baby bunny I'd fucking hate them for life. Spare me the "it's nature" bullshit, it's also a fucking baby bunny, which is just about the cutest damn thing you could ever see. Anything that sees cuteness like that and wants to do anything but pet it and snuggle up to it is fucked up, period. That said, I still respect the fucking bitches quite a bit and find them fascinating as well as exceptional photo subjects. This one wasn't trying to eat a baby bunny but he and his compatriots were harassing a pair of negro squirrels. They were full grown adults and at this point I'm cool with the fucking "it's nature" bullshit so I didn't intervene like I did with bunny. Oh yeah, you better believe I fucking intervened when it came to the baby bunny. Those crows were fucking pissed at me but I wasn't going to sit by and let them tear apart a poor helpless baby bunny. Would you, you sick fucking bastard?   

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

New year resolution: Be more productive. So I'm writing this post in bed.
In honor of this being my first 2012 post, here's a picture of a bicycle seat with a vagina drawn on it.

Why? Cause apparently a woman rode this saddle for so long, that just like how 'ol JC left his face on the Shroud of Turin so did this woman on her bicycle seat. Someone just chose to define it better.